Laying in his bed Tom could hear the last birds of the fall chirping and the light breeze through his open window. He was laying on his back his arms behind his head with his legs crossed at the ankle. He was wearing his favorite blue shirt and a pair of black jeans with his worn out sneakers.
Today like any other day Tom was feeling empty inside from being so lonely. He had only lived in his new house for a short time. Again his family moved so he had no friends. Had no one to talk to really. He had been thinking about it for weeks last night he decided how to do it. As Tom was laying there he felt tomorrow would be the day. When he gets home from school he will use his step-father's gun to end his pain his emptiness his loneliness. He already wrote out the note he would pin to his shirt saying goodbye and saying how sorry he was for being such a disappointment.
As Tom thought back to all his pain and reread the note in his head tears started dripping down his cheeks and felt the knot in his throat he felt when he was about to cry. Tom knew he had plenty of time before anyone got home to do what he felt needed to be done. He replayed it over and over in his head.
Across town in a little apartment at the same time, Myles sat at his computer looking at the pictures he had taken that day at school. Myles loved photography so he took pictures whenever he had the chance. He would either use his phone or his camera he saved up for months to get. Yesterday he used his camera taking pictures for the school paper and for himself as well. His favorite subject to take pictures of the last few months was Tom. Myles learned his full name was Thomas Zettlemyer. Myles loved saying that name to himself, he wasn't sure why but he did almost as much as he liked taking pictures of Tom.
Myles first saw Tom on the track just before school started that fall. Myles was there taking pictures of the football team to put in the first issue of the school paper. As soon as the jocks were gone he saw someone he didn't know warming up on the other side of the track he was wearing an old blue shirt and running shorts. He had just taken his new camera out for a test run that day so he decided to take some pictures of this runner as practice for later when he would take pictures of the track and field team that next spring.
As the weeks passed Myles saw Tom running all the time not just on the track. Myles smiled and said "Hi" every time he saw Tom nearby and of course photographed him at any chance. He looked amazing with the dirty blonde hair and deep blue eyes. Myles' knees almost buckled the first time he saw those baby blues.
Myles is not really a shy kind of person but when it came to Tom he got very nervous and tongued tied. Got sweaty and hot all over. But he loved getting to see Tom every day at school and whenever he saw Tom running.
That night as Myles was lying in bed he thought of Tom and how much he would love to be Tom's boyfriend. He didn't know if Tom was gay too or even bi. But Myles slept better if he thought of Tom before he fell asleep each night. Falling asleep Myles had a smile on his face.
But Tom cried himself to sleep. He had a restless night sleep, sleeping for a short time then being awake.
Myles, on the other hand, slept right through the night.
One dream Tom had during a short time of actually being asleep was about a guy he knew from school but didn't know his name. He was taller than his 5'5 this guy was like 6' with short dark hair and gray eyes. With the most amazing smile. The guy always had a camera taking pictures of whatever he could. He had the most infectious laugh. Then he woke up but it was still night so he tried to fall back asleep to dream of this guy again but the guy didn't appear in the few dreams he had that night.
When Tom's alarm went off he sat up on the edge of the bed rubbing his eyes after he turned the alarm off. He suddenly thought of the cute guy in his dream. "I wonder if I will see him today?" he thought to himself. Then shook his head and remembered what he decided on last night getting off the bed he wandered into the bathroom across the hall wearing just red boxer-briefs.
Myles suddenly woke up realizing he woke up late. Jumping out of bed pulling on his blue jeans over the black briefs he put on after the shower he took the night before. He hurried pulling on a black shirt with Jack Skellington on the front. He grabbed a comb of his desk and combed his hair the best he could.
At school, Myles was getting off the bus checking to make sure he had everything he bumped into someone turning to say "Excuse me" to the person he bumped he saw Tom walking into the school. He knew something wasn't quite right with Tom this morning by the way he walked with his head down and shoulders hunched. Myles hurried to try to find Tom to ask if he was OK but by the time he got to the school Tom was nowhere to be found.
At lunch, Myles went looking for Tom but he never went by the old tree on the far end of the school grounds or he would have seen Tom leaning against it crying.
The last class of the day Tom gathered all his belongings from his locker and shoved them into his backpack. As he was leaving one of his teachers stopped him and asked
"How are you doing today Tom? You seemed distracted in class this morning."
"OH uh I didn't sleep well last night is all I'm fine Mrs. Higgens" Tom replied fidgeting with his heavy backpack.
"Well Tom you get a better night's sleep and I'll see you tomorrow in class." Mrs. Higgens said
Tom said, "I will Mrs. H" and hurried off.
Myles missed his bus because he got too busy talking with the teacher overseeing the school paper. So he had to walk home the two miles home because he knew his mom wouldn't be able to pick him up today since she was at work. He was half a mile from the school when he saw who he thought was Tom so he picked up his pace. He wanted to talk to him to make sure he was OK. Myles' worry of being shy with Tom didn't faze him because all he could think of is if Tom was OK.
Myles was a block away from Tom when he saw the heavy bag he was carrying fall apart and things started falling out. Tom stopped and threw the pack on the ground and frantically started picking things up and trying to get them back in his backpack. By the time Myles reached Tom he was kneeling in front of the stuff that was once in his backpack he could hear Tom crying and muttering under his breath.
"Are you OK?" Myles asked
Tom looked up and was shocked that in front of him was the cute guy from his dream last night. In disbelief, he kept looking at the guy. Myles knelt down in front of Tom and said
"What happened here?" That brought Tom out of his trance and he replied
"I don't know. I guess my bag just exploded on me."
"Well let's get this cleaned up OK?" Myles said with his bright smile the same one Tom saw in his dream.
After they got it all cleaned up Myles put his hand out and said: "I'm Myles, by the way, Myles Tymes."
Tom took his hand and they shook.
"I I'm Thomas Zettlemyer but everyone just calls me Tom."
"Nice to meet you Tom Zettlemyer."
"Uh nice to me you Myles Tymes."
As they started walking Myles got nervous again but he told himself ya got to keep it together if you want to find out what's up with Tom.
"A a are you OK?"
"Yeah I'm fine, why do you ask?" replying nervously
"Um, I saw you this morning as I got off the bus. You seemed kinda distracted sad even." Myles said with a worried look
"Well I'm fine Okay" Tom shot back
"Sorry I asked I was just worried about you is all."
"Worried about me? You don't even know me to worry about me " Tom replied with an annoyed tone
"You're right Tom I don't actually know you, but I have seen you around. I see you running a lot when I'm out taking pictures."
"You see me running? Tom replied with a raised his eyebrow
"Yeah uh I I do," Myles said with a slight smile.
Tom thought about that "he sees me run? He was worried about me? I didn't think anyone even ever noticed me."
While they walked they talked about mindless chatter. As they got to where Tom had to turn he turned to Myles
"Hey want to come to my place and hang out or something?"
"I guess I could. My Mom won't be home until later tonight anyway."
Opening his bedroom door Tom said
"Well here is my dungeon sit where ever you want. I'll be right back.
While Tom went to use the bathroom Myles sat down on a chair at the desk. He was looking around and saw something on Tom's bed. He picked it up and read the hand-written note:
I couldn't live with the pain of you knowing you would hate me because I'm gay. All I have felt for so long is being alone and afraid someone would find out about the real me.
I'm sorry for being such a disappointment
By the time he was done reading it Myles had tears in his eyes. He looked up to see Tom standing in the doorway frozen.
"Why Tom? Why would you want to kill yourself because you're gay?" Myles asked with tears running down his cheeks.
"You wouldn't understand," Tom replied as he slumped to the floor.
Myles put the paper back where he got it and walked over to Tom. He knelt down took Tom's chin in his hand and lifted Tom's face up to then leaned down and lightly kiss his lips.
"I'm gay too Tom but that is no reason to kill yourself," he said looking into Tom's baby blues.
Taking Tom's hand Myles lead him to the bed, when they sat they looked into each other eyes not talking for a long time.
"Thomas I was scared to come out too. I really was scared to death but when my Mom found out she just hugged me and said
'I will always love you no matter what Myles you are my son'."
"You're out?" Tom asked surprised
"Well not completely mostly just Mom and my close friends know for now."
"How did you tell your mom you were gay?"
"Um well, I didn't exactly say those words she sorta figured it out."
"How did she figure it out?'
"Well uh, it's kinda embarrassing."
"What did she find porn in your room or something?"
"Oh no nothing like that."
"What was it then?"
Myles thought "Oh fuck how am I going to tell him? He will hate me for sure! I gotta tell him sometime so might as well do it now."
"Um, Tom promise you won't be mad?"
"Mad about what? Why would I be mad??"
Pulling out his phone Myles opened up his "TOM" folder then he gave it to Tom.
Confused Tom asked,
Tom saw a pic of himself at the track then at school and running on the street. "OMG he has been taking pics of me I can't believe it this cute guy has been taking pics of me this whole time." he thought to himself as he looked through the pics.
"Are you mad at me?"
Still looking at pictures of himself really good pictures by the way. He said
"No Myles I'm not but just uh surprised is all. But what does this have to do with coming out to your Mom?"
"She was looking at my pics on my camera a few months ago and asked me who the boy was I had taken all these pics of. I couldn't say anything I was too scared. So she said someone you like? Then she smiled. That's when I knew it would be OK."
"I guess you kinda like me huh" Tom replied
"Uh yeah since the first time I saw you I was hooked," Myles said with a shy smile.
"Well, Myles Tymes I've got something to confess to you too."
"Confess what do you mean?"
"Last night I didn't sleep very well but when I did I had a dream about a guy I had seen before at school. I wasn't sure who it was during the dream. But I realized it was you, you were in my dream last night you had a camera and everything. You were happy and smiling the whole time but I didn't know why all I did know was I thought you were really cute."
"Really you had a dream about me?"
"Yes, I did. I was so surprised to look up and see you of all people after my bag fell apart."
"Wow, I can't believe you dream about me."
"I know huh?"
Smiling at Tom at the thought of being in his dream about walking home with him. It dawned on him he forgot to call his mom.
"Oh shit, I forgot to call my Mom."
Pulling out his phone he called his mom to let her know where he was and asked if he could stay a while. She said yes but to call her when he got home.
"She said I could stay but not too long," Myles said smiling at Tom
Tom thought " I love that smile I hope I can see it all the time."
"Tom why are you so afraid for people to find out your gay?"
"Because everyone talks bad about us so I figured everyone would hate me if they knew. I didn't want to live with the pain of everyone hating me added to feeling so alone."
Looking into Tom's eyes Myles said
"Not everyone hates us and you're not alone, you have me."
"Thank you for that Myles and thank you for staying with me I don't feel like being alone right now."
"You're very welcome Thomas. Now you will never be alone you will always have me."
Myles leaned down and kissed Tom and wrapping his arms around him. In hailing his scent. Myles never wanted this moment to end and neither did Tom. For this moment Tom finely felt safe happy and most of all accepted.
They both jumped when they heard someone clear their throat. Standing at the door was Tom's Mom. She was still wearing the navy blue pants suit he saw her in this morning.
"Uh hi, Mom we didn't hear you come in."
"I can tell. Who is your friend Thomas?"
"Oh, this is Myles Mom we walked home together."
"Nice to meet you, Myles, Can I get you boys anything?"
"Nice you meet you too Ma'am."
"No thanks Mom we're fine."
"You sure honey?"
"Yes, mom we're good."
"OK then see you, boys, later."
After she was gone they looked at each other wide-eyed.
"You think she knows?" Tom asked worriedly
"Knows what that we were hugging yeah she saw us." Myles smiled
"I meant that, well you know."
"You mean that we're gay?'
"No Tom I don't think she knows that."
"Relax babe if she was going to say something she would have I'm pretty sure."
"Thank god. Wait did you just call me babe?"
"Yeah, I sure did. Is that OK?"
"Uh yeah, it's uh fine. I was just surprised is all."
"You sure are panicky aren't you?"
"Well I've been on edge for months now about all this and I've been depressed a lot too."
"Tom. Everything is going to be okay trust me. I will be here with you to help you through all this I promise."
"I wish you could stay longer just to be with me. I still feel out of sorts with all that been going on."
"You really were going to kill yourself when you got home weren't you?"
"Yes, I was. I felt so empty so alone. Like everything would be better once I was gone."
"How were you going to do it?"
"I was going to use my step-father's revolver."
"But you saved me. You helped realize there is someone out there that wants me that wants to be my friend."
"When did you change your mind, Tom?"
"Change my mind? To be honest it was when I asked you to come over. Right then I got too scared to do it.60; I thought what if I just let you go home then you find out I killed my self after being so kind to me. Then a bunch of other things raced through my head of what if."
"Tom I'm really glad you asked me over here."
"I'm glad I did too Myles, gladder than you will ever know."
Tom leaned over and kissed Myles but not just quick one but one of passion and love.
That night Tom cried while lying in bed but this time it was happy tears. He felt like a new person when Myles went home. He hoped to dream about Myles again that night. All he could think about was how good it was to be held by his dream guy and to kiss him as well.
Myles thought about the worry he had for Tom the whole day. How he knew something was wrong and not just that Tom had had a bad morning he wasn't sure. He did know that even though they never really met before that day he loved Tom. He believes that love is what pushed him to try to help Tom anyway he could. He fell asleep that night with a smile on his face thinking of Tom.
Comments always appreciated at C. J. Gibb